Soren Kierkegaard's extract from his journal.

The Danish philosopher Soren kierkegaard wrote this in his journal regarding his motif for breaking his relationship with his only true love - Regine Oslen, even she was committed completely to him, but the ideal of a philosopher inside his made him judge everything thus departing him from his true life...

The writing in the Journal as follows-

. .. and this terrible restlessness —as if
wanting to convince myself every
moment that it would still be possible
to return to her —O God, would that I
dared to do it. It is so hard; my last
hope in life I had placed in her, and I
must deprive myself of it . How
strange, I had never really thought of
getting married, but I never believed
that it would turn out this way and
leave so deep a wound . I have always
ridiculed those who talked about the
power of women, and I still do, but a
young, beautiful , soulful girl who
loves with all her mind and all her
heart , who is completely devoted ,
who pleads—how often I have been
close to setting her love on fire , not to
a sinful love, but I need merely have
said to her that I loved her , and
everything would have been set in
motion to end my young life. But then
it occurred to me that this would not
be good for her , that I might bring a
storm upon her head , since she
would feel responsible for my death. I
prefer what I did do ; my relationship
to her was always kept so ambiguous
that I had it in my power to give it any
interpretation I wanted to. I gave it the
interpretation that I was a deceiver .
Humanly speaking , that is the only
way to save her , to give her soul
resilience. My sin is that I did not have
faith, faith that for God all things are
possible, but where is the borderline
between that and tempting God; but
my sin has never been that I did not
love her . If she had not been so
devoted to me , so trusting, had not
stopped living for herself in order to
live for me —well, then the whole
thing would have been a trifle; it does
not bother me to make a fool of the
whole world , but to deceive a young
girl .—O , if I dared return to her , and
even if she did not believe that I was
false, she certainly believed that once I
was free I would never come back. Be
still , my soul , I will act firmly and
decisively according to what I think is
right. I will also watch what I write in
my letters. I know my moods . But in a
letter I cannot, as when I am
speaking , instantly dispel an
impression when I detect that it is too
strong. "[ 39]........

We all can derive at our own conclusions after reading this but the true reason will be still afar from our approach to understand the melancholy of such a great person......